Busy Being For Something

Busy Being For Something

One of my favorite lines is from Fr. Patrick Peyton, an Irish American immigrant who hosted a long-running radio and TV show dedicated to promoting family prayer. He's best known for his slogans "the family that prays together stays together," and "a world at prayer is a world at peace."

Fr. Peyton with Jack Benny and Lucille Ball.

Fr. Peyton said, "I’m not against anything. I’m so busy being for things that I don’t have time to let things I’m against encroach on my schedule." I think about this line a lot as I work on this website and the deprogramming journal. In a world where I am seconds away from seeing endless negativity, it is critical to keep my focus on my mission. Arguing with trolls online is less effective than writing on water, and would sap me of the time I have available to build something useful here. Yet, pointless debating online is so tempting! If I'm not careful, I will lose my block of time for the day explaining human dignity to someone with a handle like BetterThanEveryoneElse93 or RedPillBabe007.

Further, arguing with people is rarely the way to win hearts. The most common ways people change their minds is through either witnessing a new example or their own decision to pursue new information. Neither effectively happens with fighting, let alone internet bickering. Whether it's the 140-character limit on Twitter, the way Instagram blocks outside links, or the fact that strangers don't hold much credibility with one another, there are numerous impediments to persuading people on social media platforms.

So how do I make a difference? I want to first set an example worth emulating: think deeply about important issues, synthesize what I am seeing in the culture, and share the higher vision I have for us with the most persuasive and informative writing I can muster. I am for human dignity, for every person. I believe every single human being is made in the likeness and image of God, and while some people's behavior is terrible, I will spend no time dehumanizing anyone. I hope to model a healthy balance between being a lamp on a stand and refusing to cast pearls before swine.

Women are fully human; they are not objects, idiots, or mysterious others whose natures are inscrutable. Rather than arguing with people who believe women have a special feature that necessitates letting their husband or father do the thinking for them, I will focus on creating a body of work that models and supports women grappling wisely with the thorniest issues, an alternative to the intellectually dishonest, cowardly, and starved "choice feminism" that currently derails virtually every important conversation women have. Rather than arguing about whether women's beauty is the most important aspect of them because men like it so much, I will focus on putting beauty in perspective of the whole person.

Men are fully human; they are not animals, idiots, or crude others who "only care about one thing." Rather than arguing with people who believe men are "simple" and just want food and sex, and thus are incapable of deep, thoughtful, loving connection with their wives, I will work to illustrate how powerful it is when husbands enter into communion with their wives. Rather than arguing with people who believe that domestic equity is an assault on masculinity, I will work to highlight how domestic equity promotes a deeper experience of relationship for men as both fathers and husbands, as well as creates more space for women to share their gifts with the world.

It is tempting to fight the wrong battles, because the stakes seem low and it is satisfying to "do something." If it's the wrong battle, it rarely matters if we win or lose. But when we fight the right battle, winning matters, and this means we will be dealing with maximum Resistance.

This post is a reminder to me as I research posts and work on articles to not get sidetracked with reading ragebait or arguing with people who aren't ready to shift paradigms, from one of "women can do anything men can do," which presupposes men as the measuring stick, to one of "all humans have innate dignity, and we need to live accordingly." Not only do I have to write well and present strong arguments, but I have to remember to model the dignity of directing my time and efforts toward worthy work.

What can you use to remind you of what you're "for"? How do you avoid getting distracted by worrying about what you're "against"? What is one contribution you want to make to the wider culture this year? How will you know when you have succeeded in making this contribution?